Adoption: Frequently Asked Questions

How involved can I be with my baby? Will my child get a chance to contact me years from now? At the time of adoption, the birthparents can choose whether or not they would be open to contact from the child placed for adoption. The level of contact between you, the adoptive family, and your child are is a decision between you and the adoptive parents.

How do I know my baby will be safe with someone else? Adoption agencies set standards for adoptive parents, which assures that the child placed in an adoptive home will be safe. You also have the option to choose a family by reading profiles, phone conversations, and even meeting the couple face to face.

What are my baby’s father’s rights in adoption? The birthfather’s rights in adoption are the same as the birthmother’s; unless determined otherwise by a court system.

Will my baby be confused if I choose open or semi-open adoption? Confusion depends more on the extent of communication that occurs between the child and the adoptive family. Actually, closed adoption seems to create more confusion or frustration for adopted children because of the unknowns.

How much can I find out about an adoptive family for my baby? Potential adoptive families provide profiles with information on them, and most  have several pictures. Some couples even present their profile in the form of a scrapbook. This information may consist of the size of their family, where they live, what they do for a living,  how long they have been married, how they met, what their pets’ names are, what their health history is, et cetera.

What will the adoptive parents of my baby have to know about me? The adoptive parents will want to know all they can about you. They will probably be interested in your medical history, your healthcare, your age, and your interests. You may provide any additional information you would like them to have.

Will I be able to see my baby when it’s born? Yes, you may choose whether or not you would like to see your baby, and how long you want to be with him or her. Papers do not become effective, and are sometimes not even signed until 24 to 48 hours after your child’s birth, depending on the state you give birth in.

Questions to Ask Yourself
If you are struggling with the question of whether or not to place your child for adoption, the following are a few questions to ask yourself to determine whether or not you are ready to raise a child.
Questions to Ask Yourself:

* Am I able to give a child what he/she demands and needs?
* Would I have to count on my parents to help me out?
* Can I raise a child and meet my own needs? To finish school? To start a career?
* Am I really ready to become a good parent on my own?
* What do I want to achieve in life and to experience out of life?
* Could I handle a child and a job and/or school at the same time?
* Am I ready to give up the freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want?
* An example of something I would have to give up by having my child with me would be…
* Am I willing to cut back on having fun and staying home while my friends go out?
* Would I miss my free time and privacy?
* Can I afford to support a child? How will I pay for rent, clothing, food, diapers, and other living expenses?
* Do I want to raise a child in the neighborhood that I live in now? Where do I plan to live?
* Do I want my child to be like me?
* Am I expecting my child to make my life happy and to love me?
* When I am around small children for a while, what do I think or feel about having a two-year-old around ALL the time?
* How would I treat a child if I lost my temper or became angry?
* How would I discipline a toddler?
* How would I take care of my child’s health and safety?
* Do I enjoy teaching others?
* How will I feel knowing my child is with someone else?
* Can I stand to see someone else raising my child?

Benefits of Adoptions

Adoption benefits everyone in the adoption triad. Many of these benefits are helpful to the birthmother and birthfather. Other benefits are directed at the child who is being placed for adoption and/or the adoptive parents. Adoption brings a positive ending to a challenging situation and benefits everyone involved.
Potential Benefits for the Birthmother:

* Housing assistance may be available
* Counseling and support
* The opportunity to fulfill your dreams whether educational travel or career
* The opportunity to make the dreams you have for your child come true
* Prenatal and delivery expenses paid as needed
* A better choice of excellent doctors and staff
* You get to choose a family for your child that you like best, and can get to know them personally
* A support group of birth mothers who will share their experiences with you
* Members of your family may also receive counseling/support services
* All legal expenses and attorney fees will be paid for you
* The opportunity to bring many people a lot of happiness that could not occur without you
* The happiness that comes with knowing that the adoptive parents know you love this baby enough to insure his or her happiness

Benefits for the Child:

* The love and support of adoptive parents who are emotionally and financially ready to parent
* A desirable home and family life
* A two parent home that may also include a brother or sister
* Resources and provisions that might not otherwise be available
* A greater probability of good educational resources

Benefits for the Adoptive Family:

* Receive the joy and blessing of adding a child to their family
* Opportunity to go through the pregnancy and related experiences that would not otherwise be possible
* Ability to fulfill dreams of raising a child

Closed Adoption : Advantages
Closed adoption refers to an adoption process where there is no interaction of any kind between the birthmother and the prospective adoptive families. There is no identifying information provided to either the birth families or the adoptive families. Non-identifying information such as physical characteristics and medical history may be provided to both parties.

Closed Adoption: Advantages for Birth Parents

The closed adoption experience is different for each person; however, here is a list of potential advantages with a closed adoption:

* Sense of closure- Some birthmothers and birth families report that having a closed adoption provides a sense of closure and enables them to move on with life.
* Privacy- Placing a child for adoption is an extremely sensitive and vulnerable choice. Having a closed adoption creates an opportunity for a stronger sense of privacy.
* Reduced fear- Some birthmothers are concerned about explaining their choice, and a closed adoption serves as a way to prevent them from a confrontation with a child placed for adoption.

Closed Adoption: Advantages for Adoptive Family

The closed adoption experience is different for every family; however here are potential advantages that you might encounter with a closed adoption:

* Family Freedom- If the birth families are not involved, the adoptive family is free to have their family time without restraints of visitations and on-going communication.
* Absence of fuzzy boundaries- There is no danger or risk of birth parent interference or co-parenting concerns.

Closed Adoption: Advantages for the Adopted Child

* Absence of fuzzy boundaries- There is no danger or risk of birth parent interference or co-parenting concerns.
* Protection from unstable birth families- A closed adoption protects the adopted child from an unstable or emotionally disturbed birth parent or birth family member.

The closed adoption is a different experience for each adoption. The most important thing for all parties involved in the adoption process is communication. The more communication about wishes, desires, expectations, etc., the more comfortable each party will be in the adoption process. In a closed adoption, this communication takes place through the adoption agency or adoption attorney.

Adoption Terms to Know
Several terms related to the adoption process can be confusing. Here is a list of several terms that can be helpful in understanding the language associated with adoption.
Terms and Definitions:

Adoption Decree:
A legal order that finalizes an adoption to the adoptive parents
Adoption Plan:
An arrangement made by the birthparents stating their expectations and preferred circumstances (i.e., open or closed adoption and level of involvement)
Adoption Triad:
The child, birthparents, and adoptive parents
Birthfather:
The biological father who has consented in the adoption plan
Birthmother:
The biological mother placing the child for adoption
Finalization:
The adoptive parents appear in court, asking to become the child’s legal parents. The judge grants the request if all is in order
Home Study:
Assessment of the adoptive parents’ ability to provide a healthy home. This provides information on the couple’s health, home life, financial standing, background information, and even about their extended families. The assessment is done by a licensed social worker and submitted to the agency and court as part of the adoption decree.
Relinquishment Papers:
Legal documents that the birthparents must sign, showing that they choose to place their child for adoption and that they terminate all legal rights to the child. These papers are signed no earlier than 48 hours after the child is born.